Issues
by Anastasia1043
Summary: Tumblr prompt from anon: Finn tells Rae he loves her for the first time.


This is rather sappy. I rolled my eyes and _I_ fucking _wrote_ it.

Title from Escape the Fate's "Issues."

* * *

Finn and Rae had been together for about three weeks now, still getting comfortable being together. Rae still shy about being the one to start things, Finn still holding back not wanting to scare her away. The Stone Roses played in the background as Rae's breathing evened out and she drifted off to sleep. Finn smiled at her before quietly getting up to find something to do. He walked over to her bookshelf to see if there was a book he could read while he let her get a good hour of sleep. They'd had a big night last night celebrating Archie coming out to them, the whole gang downed snakebites and shots. Finn had a good recovery from hangovers but Rae was still a bit of an amateur, spending most of the time puking instead of sleeping it off.

One by one he pulled out books. The first one caused him to turn back and gape at Rae's unconscious body. On the cover was a woman in Victorian era clothing in an intimate embrace with a shirtless man. "Ransom Daughter" the title read. Does Rae read story porn? Finn flipped open the book and quickly flipped a few pages. His mental inquiry was confirmed when on a few pages he caught words like "cock," "tumescence," "harder," and "shaft." He couldn't decide whether to laugh hysterically or turn bright red. He suddenly froze. What if she's expecting it to be like in the books? No! No. he doesn't have to worry about that right now. They have time. They haven't even kissed yet. Besides, sex doesn't always have to be so serious. It's not always quiet except for the moans and screams. He shook his head as if that would rid his mind of the thought.

He continued along the shelf, amusing himself with the title and cover of each. He'd gotten to the eighth or ninth book when, as he dislodged the book and brought it up so he could look at it a folded piece of paper followed behind the book and fell to the floor. It simply said "Mum" on the front. Curious, he put the book back and grabbed the paper. Opening it he noticed the date to be the same as her mum's wedding. As he read it, Finn's breath caught in his throat. "I hate myself so much more than I could ever love anything." He turned and glanced at Rae. It was a suicide note. Rae's suicide note from the same day of her mum's wedding, the day they got together.

He shot up from the floor and rushed to the bed. He didn't notice the tears dropping from his face. He shook her, trying to wake her up.

"Rae!" he said, his voice hoarse.

She groaned at him and swatted his hands away. "Lemme sleep," she grumbled into her pillow.

"Rae, wake up," he kept shaking her.

"Fucking hell, Finn. What?" she was annoyed. She wanted to sleep, wanted to get rid of the blasted headache.

"Rae, what the fuck is this?" he sounded pissed.

Rae's brows furrowed in confusion. What did she do? What does he have? She opened her eyes and he shoved a piece of paper into her face.

"What the fuck is this?" he repeated sounding heartbroken.

She spared him a glance before looking at the paper she was now holding. She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.

"No, Finn," she started. "This isn't what it seems, okay?"

Finn dropped down onto the bed beside her, having no energy to stand any longer.

He couldn't speak. He knew what it was but his brain still couldn't register what it really meant.

"Finn," she sat up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "I'm so sorry, Finn. No one was ever supposed to see that."

It was a good five minutes before Finn spoke. "Did you… How far did you get, Rae?"

"What do you mean," Rae asked.

"Obviously you aren't dead," Finn flinched as he said it aloud. "How far did you get? Did you try to do it? Did you only get as far as writing the note?"

"Oh," Rae knew that there would be a point when she'd tell him everything. But she didn't think it'd be so soon into the relationship. He already knew she was mad and he's with her but how long before it all got to be too much for him?

"I, uh… I tried to do it."

Finn's breath caught again.

"How?"

"I stepped in front of a car," Rae whispered, ashamed.

"Why?" he looked at her sadly.

Ah, the toughest of them all. It could be so simple yet so complex.

"You read the note," she said.

"But why not try and talk to someone? I was there, Archie was there… What about Kester?" Finn couldn't understand.

"I was going to. I had my list of people I could talk to but the list kept getting shorter and shorter. I couldn't talk to you or Chloe because I was angry about the rave when you two kissed. I couldn't talk to mum…" she trailed off for a moment. "Kester- I forgot about Kester. It wasn't until after I got out of the A&E that I remembered him. I'd walked out of our last session because he didn't think I should go to the rave. But I went to his flat and talked to him. He's going through his own shit as well; he's getting a divorce. He convinced me to go to the reception. He took me home to get my dress and then drove me to the pub."

"I just don't understand," Finn said. "I want to understand but I can't."

Rae shook her head at him. "You aren't going to, Finn. It's hard to understand sometimes why someone would do it. I don't expect you to understand."

"Then how I am supposed to help?" he asked feeling pathetic.

"Here, budge up." Rae unwrapped her arms from around him and scooted back towards her wall.

They both lay down on their sides facing each other, Finn's eyes red from crying. Rae brushed hair out of his eyes softly before cupping his jaw in her hand.

"Listen to me, Finn. I have issues with myself. I have had many lows in the past year and I got really bad. You know I used to cut myself and burn myself. Then I went too far one day. I still don't really know if I did it on purpose the first time. I was admitted and released. I reconnected with Chloe and met you and the gang as a result. I was infatuated with Archie who turned out to be gay. I thought there was something wrong with me and I relapsed in the shower."

Finn's eyes shot open. This he didn't know. He didn't know what to do, so he put a hand on her hip and gave a light squeeze. Rae smiled back at him lovingly.

"I realized how much I fancied you, even though you were such a moody git." She gave him a grin before continuing. "I got bad again after the rave, especially with Tixie collapsing. So I did something stupid. It didn't work. After I was released from A&E I went to Kester like I was saying before… Finn, you don't know how much you and the gang have helped. I have friends! And an amazing boyfriend." This time he grinned at her.

"But Finn, it isn't your job to fix me. I have to be the one to do it. But each and every day I'm working on getting better. I have an amazing support system, I can talk to people, I am learning to like myself more and more. I am learning that I can be fat and still be loved. While I still don't believe it sometimes, I am learning that there is someone out there who wants to be with me even though he knows I'm mad. But he's willing to be with me still."

"It isn't your job to fix me," she repeated to him. "But you being here with me, wanting me… is helping me fix myself."

"Rae," he croaked again. He was such a sappy sod today.

"It's okay, Finn. I know," she grabbed him in another hug around his waist and brought them closer together.

Finn wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly as they just lay there, The Stone Roses still playing quietly from her stereo. He held her face to his chest where she began to nod off again to the sound of his heartbeat. Finn pressed his face into her hair, kissing her head lightly before putting his head to the pillow and closing his eyes, stroking Rae's hair. Her breathing evened out again.

"I love you, Rae," Finn said softly to her sleeping body.

Rae smiled into his chest as she picked her hand up from his waist.

I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U-T-O-O she spelled out over his heart.


End file.
